Reality vs Dreams
by LouisexAmsel
Summary: The relationship between Brenda and Flynn, when it comes down to it, what is it really? That is a question that is FOREVER hanging in the air between them. Is it time for them to figure it out? Or will they forever deny the reality of who they are?
1. Dream?

"Oh for heavens sake Fritzy, don't let Joel sit on the table." Exasperation was her favourite tone, or at least that was how it felt to those that knew Brenda Leigh Johnson best. Clucking her tongue, she moved around the table, her hair bouncing lightly at her shoulders as she moved. The heels of her shoes clattered against the kitchen tiles and Fritz wasn't even watched. He was staring at the paper in his hands, absentmindedly sipping the coffee clutched in his right hand. Brenda barely even looked at him as she reached across the table and scooped up the tiny kitten in her hands. He made a tiny meow and a smile split across her face. If there was one thing she missed about Kitty it was the fact that he—she was always there for a cuddle when she needed it, and she didn't try and steal her chocolate. Joel on the other hand, often he reached out and tried to take it for himself but she wouldn't let him. Sharing chocolate was a Brenda no-no. "Come on Joel, let's get some kitties treats. Wouldn't that be nice?" Cooing gently to the kitten she set him down on the floor beside her. Fritz still hadn't looked up, but slowly it was something that Brenda was—unfortunately getting used to from him. Silence.

The tiny kitten continued to meow at her heels and followed Brenda all the way from the kitchen back into the bathroom as she brushed her teeth. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she frowning subconsciously and sighed. It wasn't the same, anymore. Nothing ever was. Every day she went into work and couldn't help but look at each member of her team as just that—her team. It was so difficult for her to believe that any of them could have betrayed her—even Flynn. They had their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, he had decided to stay in Major Crimes. Taylor had betrayed him and that was something that Brenda had never been able to forgive him for. Still, despite all their issues in the beginning, the mere thought that Flynn would have even _considered_ betraying her was something that she just could not understand. The implications were there, but it wasn't likely, she was sure of it. It was like if Provenza did it—and she wasn't even considering it was him—it wouldn't have been done to hurt her. Really, Brenda couldn't imagine _any _members of her squad betraying her. They were like a family to her. They _were _her family.

"Fritz!" Calling out to him, Brenda rinsed her mouth out quickly, swallowing a bit of toothpaste along the way. She could hear his footsteps thudding down the hall towards the bathroom before he poked his head in, looking up at her with an expectant look on his face. He'd been like this for weeks, and it was starting to drive her batty.

"Did you make sure Charlie got in safely last night? I'm sorry I was so late, I got caught up in a case."

"Sweetheart, you're always getting caught up in a case, that's why I never see you anymore, but yes, Charlie got in safely and your brother picked her up from the airport."

Frowning at the implication of his words, Brenda absentmindedly turned away from her husband and stared at her own reflection again. She missed Charlie. It was good having her around the house again, and it was much too quiet without her. She certainly had grown up and deep down Brenda would have been proud to have a daughter like her. She'd been there for a month and a half and it had been nice to come home to conversation instead of quiet dinners and snoring within five seconds of climbing into bed. Fritz just didn't seem to care at the moment, not that she could really blame him. Brenda knew that she was at fault too. Having Charlie there had brought new life to the house again, even Joel missed her, and it wasn't because he has attachment issues. It was human presence on a daily basis and attention that he liked from her. It was better than prowling the house all day, jumping at stray strings from the curtains—if that was what he did. The point was that the house was lonely without Charlie.

Sighing, Fritz pushed the bathroom door open wider and came in, putting his arms gently around Brenda's waist as he pressed a kiss to her hair. Silently, he was telling her that it was all going to be okay, that there wasn't a problem with them. Nothing ever was in his eyes, but Brenda was beginning to see things differently. She didn't want to be married to the job but at the same time she didn't want to leave cases unfinished and unclosed either. It was a difficult choice. She was a closer after all, she had the highest rate of closed cases in the LAPD—and back home in Georgia if she was honest with herself, but it wasn't enough. Would it ever be enough again? It was a question that she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to, because deep down, she was terrified of what it would be. If it wasn't enough, how did it get to be enough? And more importantly, when would she know when it _was_ enough? These were just things that had never really occurred to her before, but the more she saw, the more she realised that there were so many more things that she needed. It wasn't just about catching the criminal, closing the case and going home. She needed to know _more _about them. More about _everything. _And Fritz didn't get that. In fact, if anything, there was one person that _did _get that, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Flynn. Andy Flynn. How dare he understand it too.

Her cell phone began to buzz on the bathroom counter before her and her eyes darted towards it before she could stop herself.

"Is it Flynn?" Fritz asked, the words out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Frowning, the sharp edge to his words not lost on her, she shook her head.

"No, it's Gabriel." Picking it up, she answered it quickly, spinning around so that she stayed nestled in Fritz's arms as she leaned against the cold sink. "Yes detective, what can I do for you this morning?" She chirped, trying to sound a little more cheerier than she meant to be—had she _really _been annoyed that it was Gabriel and _not _Flynn calling her? That was a preposterous thought.

"Flynn and Provenza...they found a body...and Pope isn't too happy." Rubbing her forehead lightly, she bit down on her bottom lip and nodded gently.

"Alright, I'm on my way." Ending the call, she glanced up at Fritz and shook her head. "I am really going to kill those two one of these days."

Chuckling to himself, Fritz shook his head and leaned down and gave her a kiss, her lips gently brushing her own as his arms engulfed her small frame. It was just like Flynn and Provenza to cause her some trouble, but it was nothing that she hadn't dealt with before, and even he knew that it wasn't about to change. She wouldn't get rid of them. Not for all the tea in China, it was like a compulsion to have them there, and there was nothing that he could do about it. She was going to start finding some gray hairs soon if she wasn't careful—but Fritz wouldn't have noticed. Even he was too busy to notice his wife, and he felt bad for it but there was nothing that he could do about it. It was simply one of those things. Brenda was good at her job, but so was he.

"I'm sorry Fritz, I have to go."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Andrew Flynn scowled to himself and leaned his head back against the wall in frustration. He had let Provenza talk him into breakfast _again _and it was starting to become an issue with all the bodies that seemed to magically appear in front of the restaurant. It was almost like he picked the place because he knew that they were there, and really, how could he have known? Pope was fuming, but he also knew that the chief was going to be pissed in her own right. Fifth body that he and Provenza had stumbled upon by accident, and this time he wasn't going to let the old man stuff this one up. He was going to prove that he wasn't a dick brain like Brenda sometimes thought he was, no, he was going to prove that he was good at his job.

"Gabriel called her ten minutes ago, and you mark my words she will fly through those doors in three...two...one..." It was almost uncanny, but Provenza was right. As he said 'one' Brenda rushed through the doors into the murder room, her blonde hair flying haphazardly behind her as though she had just run a marathon.

"I swear chief, we'll find somewhere else to eat if this going to make you come in earlier and earlier each day." His words were met with a scathing look from the chief that deep down made something within him burst. It was that look that made him unsure of whether he really pissed her off, or whether she enjoyed it more than she was willing to admit.

"Save it, lieutenant. Where's the body?" Brenda's words were sharp, but it was the look in her eyes that nearly made Flynn go weak at the knees. What had they ruined with that phone call that morning? She looked like she wasn't sleeping and needed a really good feed.

"Provenza was about to go down there with Gabriel." He responded, meeting her look with eyes of steel. If anything, he was never going to let her figure out those deeply hidden secret longings of his. It was something that he didn't understand, and he sure as hell didn't want her to uncover them.

"Yeah, come on Gabriel, move your arse." Throwing his arms up in the air, the young detective shook his head and led the way out of the murder room.

The doors slammed shut behind the two of them and Andy was suddenly aware that it was only the two of them alone in the room. Sanchez and Tao were interviewing the owner and the chief of the restaurant and Pope and Taylor were in a meeting. Shoving his hands deeper into the pocket of his jacket, Flynn pushed himself off the wall and took a few steps closer to Brenda. Raising his eyebrow at her, his lips began to twitch as a smile played at her lips.

"Isn't that convenient?" He said, sarcasm dripping in his words as he watched her step closer to him. Sure, if Raydor came in, the two of them would have been screwed. Up the creek without a paddle, but for the moment, Andy didn't care. Screw Sharon Raydor and her views on what was right and what was wrong, what did she know? She was an uptight bitch who knew more about sitting behind a desk than anything else.

"If I didn't know you better, I would have thought that you orchestrated this." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but there was a smile playing at her lips too.

"Really, chief? What gives you that idea?"

Shaking her head, Brenda closed the gap between the two of them and reached out a hand hesitantly, a mask of uncertainty beginning to show in her eyes, but there was no hesitation on his part as he reached out and took the hand she offered and drew her closer to him. His arms quickly snucked around her and pulled her close to his chest, smelling the violet scent of her shampoo. Somehow it just seemed right. It screamed Brenda Leigh Johnson to him. Leaning down his lips captured her own and the searing taste of her sweet lips sank straight to his soul, making Andy hold on tighter for a moment, his heart thudding in his chest. Pulling away breathlessly, Brenda opened her eyes, blinkly widely as she tried to form the words in her mind before she burst out with them, but she was so unsure of what to say if anything, none of it made any sense to her. Nothing ever did. This was something that she had never even considered in a million years, and yet it was real.

"I know you lieutenant, I know _exactly _what gave you that idea."

Waking up with a start as beads of sweat dripped from his forehead, Lieutenant Andrew Flynn sat up in his bed and stared wild eyed at the clock by his bedside. The neon green numbers flashed up at him 5:15AM. Shit. It was too early to be awake, but that dream...it had been so real that he wasn't even sure that he wanted to wake from it. He couldn't explain the thoughts, couldn't explain a thing, it was just one of those dreams. Groaning, he rubbed his hands over his face and fell back against the pillow, shaking his head in horror. He was really going to have to stop having the dreams. It was too hard, but really, that was all there was. He knew it. It was the dreams that complicated the issue. It was always the dreams.


	2. Or Reality?

Pushing away from Andy, Brenda brushed her hair out of her face and back over her shoulder as she glanced back towards the door of the murder room. They were still completely all alone, but she didn't feel safe in there, there were too many chances that they could be seen, or that someone could just waltz right in on them and that was a risk that she was no willing to take. Still, there was something about the look in Andy's eyes that made her feel invincible, and sometimes she hated that look in his eyes as much as she liked it. Andrew Flynn was trouble. It ought to have been his middle name, or perhaps his last name. Lieutenant Trouble. It had a nice ring to it, and there was so much truth in it that she could hardly think straight. From the first moment she met him, Brenda had known that he was going to be trouble, but that didn't mean that she didn't like it, there was something about his brand of trouble that she just didn't know how to be without all of a sudden. It was addictive.

Beckoning him with a finger, Brenda span on her heel and hurried into her office, knowing that Andy was right on her heels, he always was. Some people would have called him a puppy dog because he was always there, always wanted attention, but Brenda knew that it was more than that, it always was. It was who he was, it showed that he wanted to be there, wanted to be with her, help her. He was a good friend to her if nothing more, and that was how she liked it. It was nice to know that she could rely on him. That was how she knew he wasn't the leak. If he was the leak, then they both would have been screwed, and if nothing else, Andy wouldn't cut his own throat for the sake of a secret that could have torn apart the team _and _her marriage.

"I have to tell you something." It was something that she had hoped to avoid, something that she had wanted to keep to herself, Fritz didn't get it, would never have understood it, but Andy did. He knew all about it, and maybe for that very reason he was the only one that could have helped her with it. Not that she wanted help, she just wanted him to know that he was back and he wasn't going away.

The moment Flynn entered her office Brenda span on her heel and closed the door behind him as fast as she could, locking it. She pulled the cord that closed the blinds before she moved to the door that led into the corridor and locked that too. She knew that Pope was out there somewhere, and eventually he was going to want to talk to her about the body, but she hadn't even seen it yet—something that would have shocked the hell out of Will Pope if he were to ever find out. Pope knew Brenda almost as well as Fritz and Andy, and there was something scary in that. That was how she knew that if he were to ever find out about the two of them, they would be screwed. Neither of them would keep their jobs. Of course it was more jealousy that would have Pope screaming, because even Brenda couldn't deny that he had been trying to win her back since the day he gave her the position as Deputy Chief. His attempts no longer worked, she was no longer attracted to him—even if he was her boss, and that was something that she had to deal with.

Spinning around once she was certain that all the doors were locked, Brenda lowered herself into the chair behind her desk and sighed deeply. Her hands ran through her hair for a few moments, calming her nerves before she sat up and reached for the handbag that she had dumped unceremoniously on the desk as she was waiting for Andy to walk into the office behind her. She rummaged around in the bag for a few minutes, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip before she let out a triumphant grunt and pulled from her bag a cigarette lighter. She held it up to the light, her lips pursed tightly as she stared at it like it was a bomb that was about to go off in her hands. It wasn't, but it might as well have been with the way she held it.

"Where did you get that?" Leaning his hip against the desk beside him, Andy leaned down slightly and stared at the lighter. It was familiar and yet at the same time, foreign, but somehow, he knew it.

"He's back."

His heart began to pound faster and faster, and Andy could feel it tighten in his chest. Surely Brenda couldn't mean what she had said? Reached out he snatched the lighter out of her hands and stared at it. He ran his finger over the grooves on the side where fingers had obviously etched designs into it carefully. It was almost handmade, but there was something else there, he could see it. His thumb brushed against the base of the lighter and he found it. Scratched into the bottom of the lighter were the initials B.C. His eyes darkened as he tried to think for a second, narrowing his eyes before recognition dawned in them and he dropped the lighter, swearing loudly.

Bill Croelick was back. The smug firebug with a certain charm about him that Brenda was almost never sure of had left the lighter on her doorstep that morning. She hadn't wanted to show it to Fritz, because she knew that he wouldn't get the connection, wouldn't understand who it was from, but she remembered. She remembered everything that there was to ever know about Bill Croelick. It was almost as if his face was etched before her very eyes and she couldn't force it away, it was impossible. Flynn understood. He knew Croelick. He had as many dealings with him as Brenda if not more, and there was something that he could never forget about the way that he had looked at Brenda the last time he had seen them together. There was a hunger in his eyes that had terrified Andy, he didn't want to see her dead just like the other girls, but he couldn't do anything. She would never have let him.

"What did that smug bastard want this time?" There was an edge in his voice, and deep down Andy was afraid of what he was about to hear, but there was nothing that he could do about it. He wanted to protect her. Would have done anything humanly possible to protect her, if only Brenda would let him do it. There was something about Croelick that had always made his skin crawl and it was getting worse and worse as the days went on. He had thought that when he took the money from the settlement he would be gone, out of their lives for good. He had always thought that eventually he might return, come back this time in a body bag, but he had been wrong. It had been a few years and there were no sightings of him until now. Until the lighter.

"Easy, Andy, I don't know what he wants. I didn't see him, all I found was the lighter."

Reaching down to pick it up again, Andy was stopped by the feel of Brenda's fingers clenching over his own as she stopped him from touching it. Suddenly, Brenda regretted telling him. Bill Croelick was really not much of a threat to her, at least she didn't think he was. He had never been much of a threat before, it was only when they were after him that she thought that he was a threat, but she had seen him in years, and this was different. It was almost like a reminder that he was around, that she should never forget that he existed. There had almost been a strange attraction to Croelick, but Brenda had forced herself to ignore it. It couldn't exist, it wasn't real and finally it had gone away and so had he, but this was the second lighter that he had left for her, and that had to mean something. Still...he wasn't there at the moment, perhaps she ought to have waited until she actually _saw _him to mention it to anyone. Or maybe she would have hauled him into the precinct and locked him up for a few hours...no, she wouldn't have done that. She just wanted to know what he wanted.

"If he comes near you Brenda, make sure you're not alone. I'll protect you from him." Andy's words were noble, but they lit a fire from deep within and Brenda was out of her chair before he had even said another word, her eyes alive and burning with anger.

"Are you suggesting that I can't look after myself lieutenant? Because if that is what you are suggesting I highly suggest you get the hell out of this office right now." To emphasise her point, her finger pointed at the door, her hand completely steady. She was insulted to think that Andy of all people wanted to protect her from someone like Bill Croelick. He wasn't a danger to her, she knew it, and she certainly didn't need to be protected by some hot-headed lieutenant just because he thought that it was his right to protect her.

"Brenda it's not about that...of course you can look after yourself, but this is Croelick...we both know that he—" His words were cut off by the sharp look in her eyes that made him shrink slightly, and Andy took a step backwards and raised his hands slightly in defeat but Brenda wasn't giving up, and really, he wasn't altogether sure that he could blame her. Plus, there was something about listening to her fire up that was really starting to fire him up, but he didn't want to think about _that _right in that moment. It wasn't right.

"Do you look at me and think 'Oh, poor Brenda, miss Atlanta with the hair can't look after herself even though she's got a gun of her own?' I'll tell you right now that I know more about handle a gun than you do. I know just how many shots it takes to really penetrate the gut." Her eyes flashed angrily and she slammed the lighter back down on her desk as she took a step closer to him, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I can look after myself, Andy. I don't need you doing it for me." Her heart was hammering in her chest and it wouldn't stop, she was so mad at him for even suggesting that she couldn't look after herself. It was insulting to think that after all these years, they still saw her as the innocent cop from Atlanta with a mess of blonde hair and a penchant for cats and chocolate. It irked her to no avail.

And yet, there was still another part of her that was aching as she looked at Flynn. There was something so amazing about the fact that he _wanted _to protect her. It wasn't like Fritz, nor was it like Pope. It was something completely different and she didn't know what to make of it, it was like there was nothing that he wouldn't have done for her, and she had never known that in him before. In fact, if she was being honest to herself, Brenda didn't even think that part of Andrew Flynn existed. Her heart was racing, she couldn't stop herself as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her heart was thundering as her lips found his and parted them almost instantly as she kissed him fiercely, but the fire quickly began to burn through every part of her and she could feel him respond in kind as he wrapped his arms around her holding her closer than before.

Jerking herself awake, Brenda wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth as she fixed the glasses that had become askew upon her face. Pieces of paper stuck to her cheeks as she struggled to push herself away from the desk where she had fallen asleep. Groggily she tried to search for a clock but couldn't find the one that normally sat on the corner of her desk. Her hands shifted upon the mahogany wood of the desk, pressing until they found her phone and she hit the button that she was looking for. The time flashed up at her, the light so bright that she had to shrink away from it before it became too much for her. 5:15AM. Had she really been there all night long?

Staring at the phone without really seeing it, Brenda noticed the message icon flashing as well as the missed calls, but she didn't care as she sighed and took her glasses off. Her fingers rubbed her weary eyes as she struggled to contain another yawn that she hadn't felt coming. Sleep seemed like it was a mystery these days, something that she couldn't have, but she wanted it. Wanted it more than anything else, and when they were filled with...what exactly _was _that dream? She couldn't figure it out. It was Flynn. Her heart began to beat faster at the thought but she didn't care. It didn't mean anything, it _couldn't _mean anything. After all, she was married to Flynn.


End file.
